Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Not a long one, but very overdue

Well its been ages since I posted, I'm in the new house now which is lovely.

I've agonized over what to post, and what not to post for a couple of weeks now, but finally feel up to writing this. In fact, I think that it might make me feel a bit better.

Just before we left Cobar we got some awesome news, we were pregnant. For those who were wondering, thats why I didn't follow through with the psych position I applied for. Teaching made much more sense at the time. We told our families as Christmas, altough we weren't sure what was going on as I started bleeding a little on the 23rd and had to rush to Dubbo for a scan. Nothing major showed and we booked another scan for when we were in Griffith seeing Rex's family.

Unfortunately the next scan wasn't so good, but not conclusive, so a third scan was booked once we got to Wagga. This was the final straw. No growth and no baby. Seeing the doctor, I basically had to wait it out. Waiting was the hardest thing I've ever done. Not knowing what was going to happen. Not knowing why it went wrong. Worst of all though was the secrecy around miscarriage.

Dispite so many women saying, 'yeah I've had one' there was very little discussion, even on the net, and lets face it, everything is on the internet. I find it hard to understand the secrecy. It is not something women need to be ashamed of, its not our fault. It was hard, and to then be told by a family member, oh well we went through it, it doesn't really matter, really hurt. Its really not to our credit we hide miscarriage,I mean when I'm having a crappy day because a receptionist demanded to know why I cancelled my obstetrician appointment, or because everyone in the supermarket looks pregnant, why can't I just tell people its because I had a recent miscarriage.

Anyway, maybe no one will read this, but if people do, don't feel the need to hide miscarriage, it can be helpful for others to see the happy endings. I'm yet to have mine, but I'm sure one day, hopefully soon, we will have our child.


Sarah aka Byclops said...

Oh Annie...so sorry to hear that, it sucks.

Maria said...

Ohhh Annie! :(
While I haven't been through it myself, I agree wholeheartedly that it is kept far too quiet which makes it painfully difficult for those going through it as it makes them feel all the more ALONE! You're not alone, chook. I hope Rex, your family and mates have been supportive.

Lou said...

Oh Annie... I feel soooo sad for you and so know where you are comming from... I too have lost a baby.... after many tries at IVF I finally got pregnant and then lost my baby that was so loved and wanted.... It was soooo not fair.. and it takes a long long time... and I know what it is like to see women pregnant everywhere... and to throw yourself on the bed and cry.. sob.. when someone else tells you they are.. even though you are happy for them it doesn't stop the tears....
Big hugs to you!
Thank you also for the Blog love..
Lou xx

Antonella Ryan said...

Ohh Annie, I know the feeling, its terrible after being though my own and yes I was one who kept it a secret and I think I did it because I didnt want to worry my family and also because everyone around us was annoucing thier pregnancys the same time we miscarried and I just didnt want to ruin the momento! Keep trying and it will happen xoxoxox

Sandra D said...

Hugs to you Annie. I can only imagine what you have been though.

Bec said...

Oh Annie!
I am so sorry to hear this.
I totally understand what you are saying that miscarriage is so secret.

Hugs to you!!
Stay strong.

Princess Tamara said...

Hugs sweetheart.

Leah said...

I know exactly what you mean, Annie, I too have suffered a miscarriage, and words just cannot describe the pain you feel inside at losing the gorgeous life growing inside of you. I'm sure you will have success, and a little baby will be in your arms before you know it! My Ob told me you are most fertile after a miscarriage, and that's when we fell pregnant with our daughter! BTW I couldn't keep the miscarriage a secret from those I love, although I did find it hard to tell my friends, as I felt like a failure, like my body rejected that little being. However my ob reassured me it was all for a good reason, and maybe something just wasn't right. We now have 2 gorgeous children, and so there is a happy ending waiting for you too, Annie. Take care & keep positive xx