Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Not a long one, but very overdue

Well its been ages since I posted, I'm in the new house now which is lovely.

I've agonized over what to post, and what not to post for a couple of weeks now, but finally feel up to writing this. In fact, I think that it might make me feel a bit better.

Just before we left Cobar we got some awesome news, we were pregnant. For those who were wondering, thats why I didn't follow through with the psych position I applied for. Teaching made much more sense at the time. We told our families as Christmas, altough we weren't sure what was going on as I started bleeding a little on the 23rd and had to rush to Dubbo for a scan. Nothing major showed and we booked another scan for when we were in Griffith seeing Rex's family.

Unfortunately the next scan wasn't so good, but not conclusive, so a third scan was booked once we got to Wagga. This was the final straw. No growth and no baby. Seeing the doctor, I basically had to wait it out. Waiting was the hardest thing I've ever done. Not knowing what was going to happen. Not knowing why it went wrong. Worst of all though was the secrecy around miscarriage.

Dispite so many women saying, 'yeah I've had one' there was very little discussion, even on the net, and lets face it, everything is on the internet. I find it hard to understand the secrecy. It is not something women need to be ashamed of, its not our fault. It was hard, and to then be told by a family member, oh well we went through it, it doesn't really matter, really hurt. Its really not to our credit we hide miscarriage,I mean when I'm having a crappy day because a receptionist demanded to know why I cancelled my obstetrician appointment, or because everyone in the supermarket looks pregnant, why can't I just tell people its because I had a recent miscarriage.

Anyway, maybe no one will read this, but if people do, don't feel the need to hide miscarriage, it can be helpful for others to see the happy endings. I'm yet to have mine, but I'm sure one day, hopefully soon, we will have our child.